By John C.

 

It’s hard to believe that we’re already into January 2011, and have yet to properly pay homage to the year that has just passed.  Well, as I’m still putting some finishing touches on my list of the best movies of 2010, below are my picks for the worst movies of last year.

 

There were a handful of clunkers that I never had the opportunity to see, (Killers, Skyline, The Nutcracker 3D, etc.), but several of these weren’t even press screened.  I also avoided many of the year’s attempts at horror movies, including the vile excuse for entertainment that is The Human Centipede.

 

There were several other bad movies that I did see and was toying with putting on this list – like Valentines Day, Remember Me, Chloe and Splice, to name only a few – but sadly couldn’t find room for inclusion.  This isn’t even mentioning a whole slew of mediocrity.

 

But there were many that I did have to experience, and in properly “dis”honouring what I believe are some of the year’s lowest offenses against the world of cinema, my list goes to 11 in order to institute the highest “honour” of the number zero.

 

10 – Salt – Angelina Jolie gives it her all in the title role, and Salt did have it’s fans, but with a total disregard for character development, emotional connection or common sense, the taste it left was unbelievably bland.

 

9 – Jonah Hex – The first of two westerns on this list, the only thing I can say in favour of this thankfully short DC comic book adaptation is that it had several good laughs.  The question remains, was it intended to be funny?

 

8 – The Bounty Hunter – The chemistry between the two leads was like watching a blind-date set up for cardboard cut-outs, and the running time was bogged down with boring action scenes that did nothing to enhance this overlong romantic comedy.

 

7 – The Back-up Plan – An unfunny mess and one of the worst offences against pregnancy-centric films, this vehicle for Jennifer Lopez was one of the year’s most idiotic romantic comedies.

 

6 – Diary of a Wimpy Kid – This adaptation of a popular kids book was filled with disgusting gross-out gags and wasted on-screen talent.  We’ll be getting a sequel this March, and it sadly looks at least as bad as the original.

 

5 – Going the Distance – This needlessly crude romantic comedy was actually quite dreadful and one of the year’s worst offences against the sub-genre.  Disturbed Hitler/gas chamber jokes, anyone?  Enough said.

 

4 – Gunless – Laughless and pointless, this unbelievably bad Canuck western gets shot right to the bottom of the ‘nice try’ barrell.  The characters are all stereotypes, and the supposed humour is so off that one scene involves the shooting of a dog.

 

3 – Grown Up Movie Star – This Canadian melodrama centred around Newfoundland stereotypes was made up of nothing more than contrived plot twists and a truly disturbed scene of bloodshed that did nothing but encourage abstinence.

 

2 – Vampires Suck – In spoofing a superior franchise that was arguably ripe for mockery, it seems as if the filmmakers consulted a group of immature 10 year olds to write the supposed humour.

 

1 – The Losers – A disturbing mix of dumb action and sick humour, this is easily one of the most explosively bad action movies of the year.  One of the most preposterous things about this one is that the opening scene depicts a helicopter carrying children get blown up, and the plot involves an island disintegrating weapon called a “Snook.”

 

0 – Sex and the City 2 – A vile rechurning of offensive cultural and gender-based stereotypes, coupled with impossibly lame and equally crude one liners, this follow-up to a trashy predecessor is one of the worst movies I have ever seen.  And I’ve seen some doozies.  I hated all of the movies on this list, but no theatre experience was more painful for me than this one.